Many years ago, my sister and I used to nag our mother about getting glasses. She had never worn glasses her entire life, but it was obvious she’d reached the point where she needed them ~ though for whatever reason (*cough, cough, denial, cough*), she just refused to do it. Instead, she would do crazy things like sit and read the newspaper with a magnifying glass – a huge, thick one – at the kitchen table. The straw that broke that camel’s proverbial back, however, the night my mother went to call my sister, whose phone number at the time began with 941. My mom dialed the number, got a “weird” message, hung up, and dialed again. As she was talking to my sister, the doorbell rang. There stood two policemen, asking what her emergency was. Turns out, she had dialed 911, instead of 941. She got her glasses shortly thereafter.
My sister and I found this story hysterical.
But it’s not so funny anymore.
You see, I’ve had this….problem….brewing for a while now. But until recently, I could always find a good workaround (hold everything at arm’s length!), and often, just as good an excuse to offer by way of explanation (the lighting in here is just awful! such a glare!). It would appear, however, that my favorite and most convenient workaround – my arm – is no longer sufficient (read: not long enough).
So, I broke down yesterday and bought some stupid reader glasses. WAAHHHH!
I am not happy about this. In fact, I’m really just plain angry. I’ve never worn glasses, ever, and I’m not particularly happy about accepting the fact that yes, on occasion, there is in fact some print that is too small.
Before finally accepting defeat, I considered adopting the strategy of a friend of mine who was obviously also in denial for a while. She told me that whenever she went shopping at, say, Target, the first thing she would do was go to the pharmacy section. There, she would grab a pair of readers, put them on, and do her shopping. Then, on her way to the check out, she would swing back by the pharmacy, return the readers, and be on her way. Yes, it’s total lack of ownership. On so many levels! I was so tempted.
I probably should not feel too badly about this. Right? I mean, I had the good fortune to go 43 years without needing them. And yet.
I AM SO BITTER.
I hate wearing them (which I will only do at the most desperate of times). I hate the feel of them on my face. And what? Am I now forever committed to tilting my head ‘just so’ for photos (see Exhibit B) so that my actual eyes can be seen, as opposed to the glare from the lenses (Exhibit A)?Β Am I going to have to start carrying them around with me, which means, keeping track of them? Will this, in turn, mean I will soon be needing a funky beaded chain to wear around my neck so that I can take them off and on without losing them? Maybe one that is red and purple? See, that is the problem: readers are just the gateway to other horrifying things, like polyester elastic-waistband pants, and orthopedic Velcro shoes. Can you hear the sound of my weeping yet?
Well, it’s a good thing that I have made my peace with Denial already. Because I’m probably going to need those readers to see the fine print on the medical documents when I go to the doctor tomorrow about a varicose vein in my leg. Ahhh…good, good times.
(Exhibit A): Glare!
(Exhibit B): Weird head tilt! No glare!
Thank goodness, you are back! Oh, how I’ve missed your blog. Reading glasses are not so bad. Just make them into a fashion accessory. I know you can pull this off!
Thanks, Rhonda. When you say they are “not bad,” does that mean you own some, too?? I hope you are speaking truth to me from the other side of this bridge! ; )
Oh no, I don’t have any, but I’m just thinking of all of the things that could go wrong, this is not so bad. Imagine knee replacement surgery or something like that. Hard to make that into a fashion statement, ya know?
Can’t lie, as someone who has had glasses since age 10, my sympathy is low on this one. Welcome to the corrected vision club!
Yeah, I knew a certain segment of the population would not brook me much sympathy! Well, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, eh? Viva the CVC!
Can’t believe I forgot to tell you this at lunch today…I was in Target yesterday in the shampoo aisle, picked up a bottle and realized I couldn’t read it. I threw it in my cart anyway and when I got to the end of the aisle, what should I find? Reading glasses. What great marketing. They KNOW we can’t read the stuff printed on the back of shampoo bottles! So I picked up a pair just to test it out…and you guessed it. I could magically see again. But that doesn’t mean I bought them. NEVER!
Hey, you’re supposed to wear them at the tip of your nose, like a true old lady. π
How is it we have not talked about this? Of all the topics we have covered, too! Oh, and seeing as how you *just* turned 43, I have a few months on you, you know, so just a little advice: Never say Never!
I hear you. Went through the same thing at 43. Welcome to the wonderful world of presbyopia. What you need is a cool pair of half frames. They look much more sophisticated – a better fashion statement. And you can see over the top for distance.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about this whole presbyopia thing. Lets talk!
Welcome back!!!!! I was so happy to see on my email that you had posted something! OH, and coming from someone who has had glasses since 3rd grade, think of them like shoes…. a great accessory and you need more than one pair! π
Ditto what Jaymie said. And, from the rest of your four-eyed friends- Welcome to our world. π
I feel the same way about all the grey hair that keeps popping up on my head. I don’t think I will every fully except going grey. You do look good in the glasses. I might add that you do the look of disdain very well. Those glasses know that they need to look fabulous at all times! I had a giggle at your mention of a friend who ‘borrows’ reading glasses while out shopping. Jacinta
Pingback: Links of the Week – July 17, 2015 | Boundary Issues