Every week, I receive several spam comments on this blog, 99.9% of which, thankfully, never get past the spam filter on WordPress. They’re usually fairly unremarkable comments, and for the most part fall into one of four categories:

  • they have some reference to Viagra
  • they want to help me with my SEO content
  • they are incoherent gibberish
  • or, they are written in Polish and, like the above mentioned gibberish, are therefore meaningless to me

However this week, I found the following comment – which is more like an expository paragraph –  in my spam file, and thought it was the most brilliant one yet:

Old people have undergone the advanced, complex process of “year-aggrandisement”, otherwise known as aging. Old people would be nostalgic, but as they can’t remember anything to be nostalgic about, they don’t bother. Old people are also known for being incredibly wise, which is just as well, as they don’t have many years left to use that new-found wisdom. A point worth remembering this that Old People see in Black & White like cats and dogs. Old people are usually overly-critical of everyone that they know, because girls nowadays wear pants and boys wear skirts. (This goes against the high school education that they got at age ten). They also develop an affinity for grandchildren, or children of a similar age, usually because their topics of conversation, mental age and also their toilet habits are quite similar. When men become old, they develop an affinity for games such as golf, probably because the frequency with which they put something in a dark hole for pleasure and recreation becomes less common as they get older. Women, as they are no longer useful as an ornament, take a great interest in furnishing their homes with antiques and ornaments, and they no longer constrict themselves to being moody just once a month. Some old people have a tendency to develop an obsession with gardening – and the picture to the left shows the dangers of this habit – as some old people have been known to get so addicted to cultivating their carnations and chrysanthemums that they may literally bury themselves there, just so they can keep a constant eye on their gardens. Some family members may also bury them there but that is for totally different reasons!

Well. Perhaps my aversion to gardening will serve me well in my old age. Oh by the way Noel, would you care for some golf lessons for your birthday??